woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
