someone threw a dead crab at me
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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