im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
