come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I'm really busy with my period
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