so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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