First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
