i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
What a dumb baby whore.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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