i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
