You don't have asthma, your pregnant
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
