A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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