if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
