I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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