How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just blew my weed a kiss
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
