So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So gin and wine won't be happening again
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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