It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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