sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
