I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
