And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
