the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Randomize