you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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