I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Randomize
