I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
