he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
