Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
