New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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