So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
