She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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