Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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