Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
