I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
