Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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