i just wanna soil my oats bro
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
