He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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