I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
