They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
