Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
