i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
