apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
