did you get engaged???
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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