Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
