I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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