I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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