So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
