The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
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