i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
