Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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