I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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