She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
