I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
