her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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