if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
