Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
