No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
