i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
