dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
please come you make the beer taste better
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
