Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
