our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
