i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
God I need to hump something, right now.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
