I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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