he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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