I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
