i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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