just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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