She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize