Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Success! We fucked roommates!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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