so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
