Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
