i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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