Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
