Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
