Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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