remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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