Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
