Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
