I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
