a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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