She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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