I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
