we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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