so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
there was a trapeze. enough said
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
