I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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