There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
